State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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