We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
