I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
