so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
