After last night, I could never be a politician.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
kristin has been a bad kristin
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
