i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
