He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
try to milk me bitch
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
