So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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