someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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