this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
