would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
