Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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