Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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