this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
do herpes really smell.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
