Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
