I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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