my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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