no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
