Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
