you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I party with great urgency now.
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