the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
