I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
