Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
