I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
