I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
