I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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