I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
