I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
