i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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