I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
