So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
