I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
