i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
