what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
