I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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