i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
