I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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