Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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