matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
