just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
