I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
