I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
