i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
