So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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