You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
