I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
