i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
