i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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