i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
