Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
i think i just lost a toe
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
