She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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