apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
