You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
