I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
