dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
