Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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