I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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