he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
