A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
